Saturday, October 8, 2011

Our Weakness

Jealousy is an accelerant, the fuel to emotions,
the venom of lies, a cruel ammunition,
It plagues the mind and numbs your shame,
So vague it seems, till anger flames,
It justifies iniquity because it hurts the vicious too,
It soothes the heart from sorrow's grip, making the most malicious true,
It fills the void of what is lacked, replaces what is deemed as gone,
A sin that sways the way we act, erases sense when swords are drawn,
Although the tongue delivers words, albeit the mind controls a man,
It's jealousy that binds the soul in servitude he's better than.

Sunday, September 25, 2011

Sex Portrait

We'd spend our days painting fantasies, and live our nights imitating art,
Each kiss is sketched with lustful strokes, enticing feels adorn the canvas,
Our fingers locked, our bodies glide, our moans are sung in perfect sync,
We'd think of more as passion peaks, so hooked on fixed salacity,
With every sigh, with every scream, seduction draws another dream,
Arousing yet another piece...that oil and paint cannot depict.

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

My Apology

There's nothing that I could have done differently,
To remedy his misery,
His solitude had screamed in vain,
His pain prevailed with nothing gained,
I gave him love, though heartache loomed,
And he was so consumed in doom,
The more I pressed, he pulled away,
He was possessed by disarray,
He found his peace in death's abyss,
Could not resist the Reaper's kiss,
I'm not to blame for someone's fate,
Love could not win against self-hate.

Sunday, September 18, 2011

Te Deseo A Ti

Inside I am afflicted with indecision,
such hesitation I feel with every lustful temptation,
When you entice me with nothing more than a soft embrace,
you interlace my sanity with a lecherous grace,
And I face the pain of feeling such a longing thirst,
a binding curse that stimulates my conscience's worst,
I'm feeling wrong because my "wants" seem so perverse,
and yet my needs have gotten myself so immersed,
I'm needing you, I'm wanting what I shouldn't have,
I feel subdued by self-control I couldn't have,
I've been entrapped by clandestine allure of lust,
it's so unjust to desire what I should distrust....

Sunday, September 11, 2011

So I Creep

So selfishly I fear solitary nights;
seeking more when passion has subsided me,
My heart "black", and yet so innocently dazed,
I sense love, but lust is such a stronger urge,
On the verge of hurt when I discovered "thirst",
Is it curse? Desire is a remedy, though....

Written in September 2008.

Sunday, July 17, 2011


I wish the past was less hurtful than the singe of present adversities,
And you and I were more in love with what we have, than what we've lost,
Can we dismiss the hurt we've caused? The time has changed, and so should we,
The world evolves around our strife, and days will pass without concern,
What's done is done, what's lost is gone, but we have gained some lessons learned,
Our love is bound, constrained by time, so set it free to choose its fate.

Wednesday, June 1, 2011


As I look
Beyond the ripples of my reflections
To examine my inner self;
The ripples begin to fade . . .
As the reflection lays beside me
Grasping my hand,
The inner warmth shields me
And the vision of my reflection appears
I see you. My Friend.

Monday, May 30, 2011


His face was guileless, promising of nothing sinister,
and I was convinced his intentions were pure.

It was naiveté, it was ignorance,
that made me succumb to his heartless ploys,
He consumed my sanity, my emotions were played,
He tore me apart without compunction.
He promised me bliss, a lifetime contentment...

...and I was deceived, so heartlessly a vicious man whose name is LOVE.

Written on 5-30-2011

Saturday, May 28, 2011


The memories of you keep me occupied, still,
Each thought, arousing and enticing me,
Your lips are venomous, defeating me,
Forgive me, your touch enslaves my will and strength,
Allow me to be the lust you can't defy,
Fulfill you the fantasies I dream of too,
Exposing the weakest side of virility,
Just like you have introduced this servitude....

(written on 9-14-08)

I Found My Neosporin

I turned 23, and I was absolutely happy about my life. I have great friends and family who celebrated my birthday with me, and I just felt great. 

However, sometimes I question my happiness and wonder why I have simply gone back to “normal.” After going through pain and heartache last summer, how did I regain the strength to continue my life? What happened in the summer of 2010 felt like a movie…a soap opera with improbable plots. I didn’t think I would go through such an emotional beating within 2 short months. I had never been to a funeral for a loved one before. That summer, I attended 2. 

I was at work on a Saturday morning, and I had volunteered to work at the Special Olympics later that day. I was going through yet another serious drama with my ex-fiancé. Heartbroken and frustrated, I tried to keep my focus on my work. I received a call from my sister at around 7:30 AM. In a desperate tone, she told me that she had found my brother’s body in the garage. “What?” I replied and quickly hung up before she could answer. I turned to my co-worker, Carmen. Confused, I told her what had happened, and Carmen told me to ask my sister if my brother was dead. I called my sister again to confirm, and she told me that my brother’s body was cold, and that the police and ambulance were already at the house.

My brother passed away on June 12, 2010, and he was buried on father’s birthday, June 15. I had to return to work the very next day. For some reason, I wanted to go to my parents’ house the night before my brother died, and I had fallen asleep on their couch. I woke up later that night because my brother came downstairs and talked to me, thinking I was my sister. He went back to his room before I could say anything to him, and I felt the urge to go after him. However, still half-asleep, I groggily got up and decided to drive home. I don’t know if God wanted me to talk to my brother that night, but I also don’t know what I could have said to him to save him.

Less than two months later, on August 2, I received an urgent Facebook message from my friend’s sister. “Lily, this is Diana, Bryan’s sister. Please call me ASAP. It’s important.” I had called out sick from work that day, so I had the time to call Diana as soon as I got her message. I asked her what was wrong. In a desperate tone that was similar to my sister’s, Diana told me that her brother had passed away. My first response was, “What?” She told me what had happened, and I promised to come to her house as soon as possible. It was déjà vu. Bryan died on Monday, and his funeral was that Friday. Just when I thought I was starting to heal from the loss of my brother, God poured salt into my wounds. I needed a Neosporin, and God handed me a salt shaker. 

When I lost my brother and Bryan, I was also emotionally afflicted by my relationship with my ex, my never-ending fight against early stage of cervical cancer, and my distrust of the people around me. I was bitter, depressed, angry, frustrated, and insecure. The dimpled smile that I was known for was rarely there because I didn’t have a reason to smile.

I don’t know how I did it, but I eventually moved on. Maybe I just got tired of being miserable because that isn’t me. I went back to school, received my degree, and revived my love life. I began spending time with my friends again. I had a difficult summer last year, but I resumed my life because I have goals to accomplish. A bad day can discourage me, but a brand new day is only 24 hours away.